I have a love-hate relationship with the phrase “everyone has the same 24 hours in their day.” Technically it’s true. Midnight to midnight is 24 hours. No one has figured out how to freeze time yet. Maybe Elon is working on it, but so far, everyone’s watch ticks away the minutes at the same pace as the next person.
I love it because it reminds me that people I admire have the same amount of time in their days to accomplish the things that they do. If they can do what they do in 24 hours, why can’t I? Just … do it.
I hate it because it’s really a myth — not everyone has the same 24 hours. Some people have means to purchase time.
Perfect example is my house at the moment. It’s kind of a mess. I could spend 6-8 hours cleaning it, OR I could pay someone to spend that time cleaning it for me, while I do something else, like play with my kids or organize the garage or write a blog post or plan an event for Rational Ground.
The problem is that time is expensive, and right now, we are limited on funds. Two divorces, too many medical bills, two kid in college, and eggs that cost $7-8 a dozen have done quite a number on our disposable income.
I’m running into another problem though. It turns out that not spending money on time is pretty damn expensive occasionally. I’m writing this from 30,000 feet somewhere between San Francisco and San Diego, next to my teenage daughter on my $678 mistake.
Whoops.
Here’s what happened: Justin’s parents live just outside of San Francisco, and while we manage to see them a few times a year, it’s been a hawt minute since we visited at their home base. Our last trip was planned for April 2020, and well, I probably don’t need to say more on why our trip to San Francisco in the spring of 2020 was cancelled. We’ve been trying to work out a time to come see them, and finally found a spot on the calendar that worked for everyone.
The plan was to spend Presidents Day Weekend with my lovely in-laws and our four kids who still live at home. Arya and Cordelia both had Monday and Tuesday off of school, so we planned to make the 7-hour drive after school on Friday, and head home today, Tuesday.
Except we wouldn’t be able to leave San Diego until nearly 4pm, because Cordelia had a test last period that we couldn’t pull her out of. Which means that we would’ve gotten into the East Bay around 2am, once rest stops were accounted for. Which sounded absolutely miserable. Reminder that we still have three LITTLE kids — they are 5, 4, and 1.5 — and they aren’t great at sucking it up when they’re overtired.
But Justin was determined. He has been dying to spend time with his parents in his childhood home, and share it with his own children. He wanted as much time as possible at home, even if it meant driving through the night to get there a few hours sooner.
There are things you just do for your spouse when it’s important to them, ya know?
Except that Arya actually has the entire week off of school, it’s only Cordelia who needed to be back in San Diego by 8:30am Wednesday. Just out of curiosity, I looked at flights from SF to SD, and they were insanely reasonable. for the 2 of us to fly down Tuesday and me to fly back alone on Wednesday while she stays with her dad for the rest of the week was under $300. And it meant that we wouldn’t have to drive Friday — we could go on Saturday morning instead. So much winning!
Until last night, when I went to check into the flight and it wasn’t working and I discovered that I booked the tickets for March, not February. Re-booking them cost $678 and I cried because that is a LOT of money.
I’ve been hearing “I don’t know how you do it” almost my entire adult life, and I really don’t know what to do with that phrase. The truth is that I like to do a lot. In high school I took all the honors and AP classes, did extracurriculars, had a mall job, was active in church, and managed to volunteer some 500 hours over three years. Also I was only in high school for three years because I took classes at the local community college and graduated early.
Before my 21st birthday I was married and a mom, a college graduate and a home owner.
When I was a single mom working full time and side jobs, I saved up until I could take my two kids to Disney World and Harry Potter Land at Universal. They were 7 and 11 at the time, and everyone and their matching T-shirt families commented on how great it was I was taking them by myself. It wasn’t hard — at least not comparatively.
Until eight or nine months ago I worked full time in a demanding job, with three little kids and a teenager at home, and a hubby who was working THREE full time jobs himself.
To say the candle was burning at all the ends is an understatement.
So I quit the job.
And immediately volunteered to be the president of my local mother-daughter charity league.
I really can’t help myself.
But here’s more truth that I’m having to face: When anyone now says, “I don’t know how you do it,” I want to respond, “Well I’m not doing it WELL, Jan.” Hence the $678 flight mistake. Because the truth is that it IS hard, and I need to start thinking more about the 24 hours I have in MY day every day.
It’s dumb to not spend money on a sitter to get a little break, and then make an almost-$700 mistake because you’re tired and worn out. Even as I was booking the tickets last night, part of me screamed that I really should take Harley with us, since she’s still able to be a lap-baby, and it would make it so much easier for Justin and his parents to just have Arya and Trinity in San Francisco. LET ME DO MORE! I CAN DO ALL THE THINGS!
Nope. I’m tired. The kids are having a blast with their grandparents. And I’m headed home with my teen and having dinner tonight with a friend and her teen too. And it feels triumphant. One moment of rest at a time.
I only get 24 hours in my day — the same as anyone else. It’s time to start spending it more wisely.