How is it Thanksgiving tomorrow and I haven’t written an update on here since August? The only answer I have to give you is that I’m currently surviving the stay-at-home-mom trenches with little kids.
I have at least half a dozen posts that are somewhere between 50-75% written, just sitting in my google docs. I’ve written about my eldest turning 20 in September (the age I was when I had her), the trad wife trend and the dangers of idolatry, fighting the doldrums with volunteerism and community service, how parenting a toddler is like being forged in fire, and the gaping space left when a beloved friend dies young — just to name a few.
None of them have made it to this blog because a) I keep getting interrupted, and b) I’m too freaking tired even when I have time to rub my three remaining brain cells together to come up with coherent thoughts.
In all fairness, I am also currently nine months pregnant, and every day everything hurts just a little bit more. I’m also pretty sure that the littles sense a big change is coming and are giving me a run for my money.
Like right now. I’m trying to write down some quick thoughts on how I was NOT cut out for this stay-at-home-mom life, and the kids are having a conniption downstairs because dinner is in the oven and not magically appearing on their plates the moment they decide they are hungry.
Dinner, by the way, is Costco heat-and-serve fettuccine alfredo with chicken, which is going to be awesome when they gag on it and declare it disgusting because it’s not chicken nuggets.
They may also be tired and cranky because they woke up at 4-freaking-30 in the morning and they’re ready to drop at 5:30 now. After 20 years of parenting I’ve discovered two truths about sleeping - you can make them stay in their beds but you cannot make them sleep, and if you don’t make them stay up after an early morning, all hope is lost and the cycle continues.
Anyway I can’t remember my point now because Arya made her way upstairs to tell me she’s starving to death and now she’s sitting with me and then Harley climbed up too and I’m covered with children once again while trying to balance my laptop in the air and type at the same time.
This time I’m determined — children you may watch me write, or you can go downstairs and play with your very available father.
Where was I? Oh yeah, not being cut out for the stay-at-home-mom thing. The thing is with little kids it’s just relentless. And thankless. And exhausting. And never-ending. And given the choice I would not be doing this full-time by myself.
Don’t get me wrong - I LOVE my kids more than life. It’s why we are all here. But I’d rather be working with them in a great care center or with a nanny. But I’m in that weird range of career vs motherhood where good child care in my area costs more than I could make in the corporate world.
Over the past couple of months I’ve been working on making a magical childhood for my kids, regardless of how overwhelmed and overstimulated I feel. I’ve been saying to myself often, “happiness is nine-tenths attitude.”
Cordelia is actually the one who inspired this new motto, after I had to drag all three littles to pick her up from school and take her to a lesson, because Justin wasn’t able to take a few hours off because apparently we have bills to pay, and he needs to actually create content for his job. I texted her from the pick-up line that I had the littles, and we’d probably be getting Chick-Fil-A for dinner because I couldn’t do all the things that day.
She just texted back, “I get all my babies AND nuggets for dinner??” with some Gen Z emojis that she assures me convey extreme happiness.
It was the attitude shift I needed to switch gears from overwhelmed and feeling like a failure to making stuff happen and creating memories.
So yeah, I’m stuck in the Parenting Littles Trenches right now. And it is HARD. And I’m about to add one more to the mix, which is probably insane, but too late to turn back now. But it’s ok, because it’s not going to last forever. That’s an advantage to having a big age gap with my kids — I know in my BONES that it gets easier.
I know someday they will sleep more, and be able to get their own snacks and wipe their own butts and they’ll even get better than me at figuring out the smart TV. Arya and Trinity are already there in many ways and getting close in others. Before I know it, this stage will be over, and I will miss the sleepy toddler flop into my lap, believing in Santa, and brushing and braiding their hair at night.
Someday I’ll work again. Someday they will all be in school. Someday they will need me so much less than they need me right now. And they need me SO MUCH right now, and it’s exhausting.
But it’s the trenches. It doesn’t last forever. The bond we’re creating now hopefully will.
Even though we don't know each other, I have been thinking about you and your pregnancy with a baby you didn't think was possible. I have been hoping everything was going well for you. I've enjoyed your writing and hope to hear more from you!
The trenches - a very apt description! I can feel you, even though our trenches aren't nearly as deep and full of littles :-) I think the thing about attitude is very true. It's just that one doesn't always have the strength to maintain that attitude! And little children are relentless, especially to their mother I feel. Hold on!