You of Little Faith

Is this a Christian blog now? Is that what I’m doing? Why is it that anytime I think there’s something worthwhile to talk about, it has to do with faith? To be honest, probably because I’m trying to keep it. Or at least shift my mindset about it so that I’m not in a constant state of striving. 

Life rarely ends up the way you imagine it — for anyone. Why should I be the exception to the rule? 

I just had a whole paragraph typed out about the woes I’m facing at the moment, with the idea that I’d bring it back to BUT I HAVE FAITH. I deleted it. Because hard shit happens to everyone. It’s called LIFE — as the adage goes, no one ever said it was fair.

Now I’ve been staring at my screen for five whole minutes while listening to Miss Rachel sing songs about the farm to keep my toddler entertained so I can have a moment to actually put some thoughts down on a screen so I can put some sort of blog post up so that I can feel some sort of connection to the world while I’m in the middle of the pure chaos and exhaustion of raising young kids AND teenagers.

At the beginning of the summer, I was at a meeting with other moms of teens, and everyone was sharing what their summer plans were, and my contribution to the conversation was, “I’m teaching my eldest to drive and my youngest is turning two in August and is at her peak Danger Baby stage, so basically I’m just trying to keep everyone alive.” 

Hey I’m succeeding! No one has died! Including ME!

I’m taking the win. 

And keeping the faith that God can accomplish the impossible with even a mustard seed-sized bit of faith in HIM. There’s a passage in the Bible (in Matthew 14) where Jesus sends the disciples out in a boat so He can have some alone time pray, and when it’s a considerable distance from the shore, he walks on the water out to meet them. 

They don’t believe it’s Him, even though they’ve seen countless miracles at this point, and Peter basically asks him to prove it’s him and not a ghost by making him walk on the water too. He goes out to meet Jesus and starts sinking because his faith falters. And then as he’s sinking, he calls out to Jesus to save him, and Jesus saves him.

Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”

So here’s this guy who is Jesus’s homie, is in the inner circle, and whose faith is strong enough to believe that he can walk across the water to meet his savior, and he still hesitates to trust in God’s power to do the impossible.

And you know what’s great about Jesus? He didn’t let Peter drown as punishment for his fleeting faith. He didn’t tell him to start swimming and best of luck to him. He reached out His hand and grabbed him. I’ve got you, was His message. You don’t ever need to doubt.

Maybe I keep thinking about this story because having little kids at home can feel like you’re treading water with bouts of nearly drowning. I’m feeling like that lately — just treading water over here, trying not to drown in chores and complicated relationships and finances and pushing up the 87 millionth frozen yogurt tube of the morning because tiny fingers aren’t strong enough to do it themselves. 

I’m falling into the trap of striving, of thinking that if I tread water hard enough, I can save myself from whatever it is I need saving from. What even is it? Exhaustion? Worry? 

It doesn’t matter. I’m going to find some rest in knowing that Jesus always shows up with an outstretched hand to pull us back up. 

Now hopefully the Lord can just give me some strength to get the family room picked up after the kids destroyed it while I was writing this. Or more importantly, the patience with them that He shows me every single day.  

I have faith He will. 

Photo by Alex Shute on Unsplash